Update...

So my mitigating circumstances appeal got approved by the board, just waiting to hear the decision from the external examiners now and I should be able to give my exams in August inshAllah. Im gonna' be honest, it breaks my heart everytime..everytime we have to give evidence of our loss. I know its protocols they're following asking for the death certificate and what not, but I can't help feel that they're scrutinizing our loss - judging if its loss enough. God Papa..you taught us everything, why didn't you teach us how to live without you?..'cuz I've got news for you - its not easy..

I've put the whole stack of responsibilities on Nazi pa..or she stepped in herself anyway.. I mean, she's taking care of everything money related.. she's the one who pretty much notified everyone.. I couldn't even talk with anyone on the phone, let alone anything else... I feel pretty bad about that. I mean, I was supposed to be the strong one. Papa always believed in me. Used to call me his son. I can't let him down anymore..... 

So since that is it for classes, I guess I better start looking for a big girl job. Haven't got a clue on where to start o-0 ..One thing I do know, its gonna' have to be unpaid and not pretty to begin with. My resume looks cluttered.. so much on it and nothing to show for it.. its no surprise I end up waffling in the interviews. -sighs-

Apart from that, Allah miyan please keep my Maa sane. She's getting crazy ideas and getting hasty because of all the pressure around her. I can stop other people and tell them how it is, but how am I supposed to make Maa see without this veil of love for Nomi bhai that's covering her eyes. Without Papa. Papa could've done it..like..a piece of cake.. with a cherry on top. Im not as gifted as Papa, when Maa cries -  I cry with her. =/ ...but Allah miyan, You know and I know and Papa would've known. Im sure. So please, just help me out?...