Eid this year..

I sort of gave up on eid a couple years ago.. maybe I grew up and realized eid really is for kids... maybe it just lost its charm over the years.. maybe it was moving to UK that did it, I mean the memories I have of eid as a kid are probably more vivid than those of Aribah who's never experienced it in Pakistan... -shrug-.. whatever.. that's not the point....

I am just.. really.. pissed off. There has been no active celebrating this year, which is fine because what's there to celebrate anyway? Eid doesn't just mean the communal spirit of the Muslim Ummah... Eid is ..going to the masjid with my dad in the morning, and the reminder he'd make sure to give us about the extra 6 takbeers in Eid namaz so we wouldn't make a fool of ourselves. Its about teasing Papa for all the phone calls he would get and all the phone calls he would make on Eid day, and stealing the moments in between to ask for anything we wanted. Eid's about hugging Papa. It's about being introduced to all the guests as "My daughter, Rabia Asif".. more than that, its about the pride in his voice every single time. Eid is more than just a day off.... Phir..what's eid without family anyway?.. 

This eid, I cried more than what's probably acceptable on eid day. Its funny.. no it really is... people tell me I am brave.. that I always push through. Huh. I don't have half as much valour as my father..... This eid, I realized there's complacency in dissatisfaction too, of course, you only realize that once you're done bailing out. Mind you, Eid-ul-Fitr still hit more nerves and required more..patience and fortitude..

This eid, I drove to the masjid myself. This eid, I missed my dad.. again. This eid, I missed my mum. This eid, I didn't get the one call I thought I might. This eid, was the loneliest eid ever. 

So yea... Eid Mubarak alright.. to anyone who still cares.