lemonade

As a kid you don't really understand growing up. I remember being 9/10 and wanting to grow up really fast so I could partake in all the conversations the older cousins used to have with the grown ups ...  like they were part of some cool gang.... Ha.

As a kid you don't really understand being human, You can't quite get the idea of just existing, and then, as you grow up, you have to be someone because being anyone is just too humiliating to your sense of self... Growing up you need some ray of hope to make you believe you aren't just going to be lost in all of this ("this" being whatever you think of life at the time o.o) .....

Then you grow up and realise getting lost is a little bit inevitable anyway. As inevitable as you tripping and falling flat on your face because you didn't listen to your maa and ran away when she tried to tie your shoe laces.

--

"I want to leave a mark", I said..... kinda like my dad, how people when they speak about him have the same flavour of kindness, greatness, generosity in their stories of him ..people from all walks of life.. they talk about his extraordinary foresight, about his courage in uncertainty, his sheer confidence and belief..... It's only apt that his epitaph reads "yaaron ka yaar"........ My dad -sighs- I miss how much of a conundrum he is to me still, a puzzle I am just beginning to understand when he's not even here anymore...

......I digress.

But like I was saying; growing up and stuff catches up with you in the blink of an eye. One day you're playing hide and seek and the next you're caught in a conversation with people talking about being stuck in "the grind". And all of a sudden, those conversations you so desperately wanted to be a part of, you try and avoid now because its stress you don't need. So I guess, the question really isn't what your next move is going to be, but how you're going to turn this situation, any situation, in to your favour. Maybe in the end, it all just winds down to what one's idea of being content is... apparently, there is no lemon so sour that you can't make something resembling a lemonade .......I think that's a fair shot.

--

I turn 27 next month and I am quite okay about that.. I am sure I will be told though.. "haterz gonna' hate" and stuff... and in all earnestness, I know we are all probably just floating in our own illusions of control or whatever, but I don't feel like it is. Not really. Hell, when Aqib is with me..I feel invincible. Its one of the top feelings to be honest, because when you feel invincible, nothing seems impossible. You look at the world like a puzzle that you can solve. Like nothing else matters. Zero vulnerabilities. I dont know, its a good feeling. Alhamdullilah and shabba khair.