Reminder...

Every time Papa got fever, he would get semi-unconscious and sort of delirious... he would think he was in another time period and he would get very vocal... narrate stories, want to have conversations with random relatives, want to have all of us around him and talk to us simultaneously... all while his eyes shut and no awareness of his being. I have spoken about it before here. When it first started happening, we got really concerned but then Papa would wake up from his fever and be all normal, like nothing happened. So a couple of times later, we started recording him to show it to Papa since he would have no memory of the "melodrama" he put up while asleep in fever.... 

A month or so after Papa, we found a voice recording.... I think it was from sometime in May, Mama had come back from Pakistan and Papa had fever and he was talking.. as though he was in the hospital from the heart attack he had while Mama was away. I remember when he had that heart attack, it was crazy bad... I mean, I am yet to meet a man as strong as my dad and even he thought that was it.. he asked me to bring all the kids to meet him at hospital so he could say bye. 

So in the recording, he's addressing me as though he is at the hospital.. and he tells me, repeatedly not to tell Mama in Pakistan.. he tells me to be brave but the way he tells is like hes trying to convince me..like he's trying to reassure me so I don't have any self-doubts... and thinking about it, Papa always explained things to me like this... It was just his style...

In real, he was lying on the sofa, I was sitting by his side holding his hand and trying not to cry, Pulwashah was close enough and Mama was massaging his head and constantly trying to make Papa realize that she was back and that he ought to wake up.... but Papa went on...

..My dad told me to face everything... and that's what I have been trying to do you know.. I don't get scared anymore.. I address my issues... I sure as hell don't bail out... And you know, even if I can't find a solution.. there's always the satisfaction that I didn't give up....... 

IamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodpersonIamagoodperson. I have just had bad things happen to me... lately...

and I mustn't forget this, ever.