Sleepless..

Every night there is a nightmare. They're always so animated and vivid that the realization of being in my dark, humid room takes a toll on my mind. 

I see graveyards and spirits; hues of greys so theatrical that I don't even question their reality. I see vast spread of land with no where to run and no one to turn to. Sometimes, they're not even dreams but experiences (?), this weight I feel on my body and I can't move. Sleep paralysis, they say.

Every night I read Aytul Kursi and say a little prayer; every night I am restless. 

Isn't it weird, though - No experience of having "normal/regular" dreams and then having such frequent nightmares that it makes you wonder if normal dreams even exist. 

Actually, scratch that. I remember a couple of those sweet dreams I had not long ago. Ah yes, the kind of sweetness that you woke up smiling to yourself. The kind, that make you smile just thinking about them. Yes, yes, I remember those. 

I remember living those dreams, too. All nighters on the phone. Love nighters, if you will.. ^_^ ...Yeah, I definitely remember those........

Ha... The more I actively avoid/dislike thinking about 'what could be', the more I find myself being compelled to do so... 4:00 o clock in the morning, crap, crap, crap.

Crap. Uh.