-_-

Every time someone suggests/'brings' a marriage proposal; they instantly go down in my books.. Funny how that works, right.. I mean, they must like me that much and I end up losing respect for them that much. I figure they're not going to stop asking (Can you blame them? -_-), and I can't run away anywhere so I've stopped giving a crap.. I don't even bother saying no anymore and that probably irks Mama, more. 

They ask me what I want; and tell me that maybe making a 'list' is not such a bad idea, even if it's a list of things I don't want so they know where not to look. Then they end up suggesting qualities to look for; all the time having this one sided painful conversation that for some reason always requires my presence. 

I used to be screaming inside before to tell them, I have a guy! ..One who's everything I'll ever need. Eager, to tell 'em all his qualities... 

I don't even know what to say anymore..... What's the point when it seems he doesn't even want me? ..-shrug-... I remember telling him once how it made me sad when he didn't answer and he was like 'what.. My phone or email?' ............ I realize now, it wasn't him not answering that made me sad.. It was the feeling not getting a reply brought; that feeling of being away and losing touch.. That's what I dreaded.

In his head, he's running away and avoiding it all to come back and 'tackle it better'.... How I see it, he's just running away...

Sighs.

It seems, my love for him is just not enough for him to make him want me or keep me for himself. 

I'm not okay with any of this.