How to save a life..

I remember writing Aqib letters, just in my notepad, one page after another... 

I remember it being 2012, just before or maybe it was the very early days when Papa got admitted at the hospital. 

I remember not having heard from him for a while, I don't know what happened, think he was away somewhere? ..I couldn't get a hold of him and there's only so many words you can fit in a text message - the joys of long distance. 

So, I wrote him letters. A stack of them..

........ I have them still, saved, in envelopes. One perhaps made it here on the blog too? [revisit] .. Heh.

I just got reminded of it today because I finally watched that Grey's Anatomy episode where McDreamy dies ..and someone may have cried a little..

In there, Meredith, the female protagonist, is having a flashback of the last conversation she had with her husband ..and he's telling her all these things that felt too close to home. He tells her that he thought he was drowning and she saved him, like she was coming up for fresh air........ 

I remember feeling that way. Like he was saving my life by just being in it. Like he had my back. Protected. Assured. My heart full of love. It's overwhelming just being reminded of it.............. 

I miss us.

My mum tells me when my future husband takes care of me and loves me, I'll end up loving him back... that it won't be a loveless relationship like I tell her. I don't know if she's right or if I even want to find out....

Right now, it just feels like I have no room left in my heart for anybody else.... I have nothing left to give anybody else

It's funny, I tell Adia there's a way to start fresh, that's its her decision to make if she wants to move forward..... yet here I am, really really doubtful

Rona kyun ara hai mujhe? =/