Got sent home from work yesterday for blacking out on Becky. So I guess I can check off fainting on a senior off my list..... didn't really think I was that prone but apparently she knew I was gonna' fall before I did.
Thankfully I was back up by the time she decided to call Maa, ended up speaking myself so some damage control, I mean? Maa was still freaked out and waiting for me on the steps.. -sighs-
You know, even when I try really hard to not think about shit and carry on, like I do, subconsciously it doesn't really go away. Like, all my effort doesn't even matter or count for anything. I am so burned out.... I wanna' say it's being in the stressful life and death environment of blood cultures and people dying on me ..but I think we all know what might have pushed me over the edge =/ ...
Shayed jo reaction last year hona chahiye tha, that's finally hitting me now. I have been hurt and pissed off and blocked away the actual pain of losing him from my life........... Acceptance - I guess, this must be it? It feels like love has been pulled from right under me, and I didn't even have a chance to protest...... And I'm realising I am not okay with it being over messages... never having seen the person? It's shit. It's not honourable. It questions the validity and sincerity of the last 7 years between the both of us..... and I am not okay for that question to arise ever..
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